i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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