Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
