i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
