my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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