I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
