so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
