i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
