i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
