sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
