Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
