Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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