Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
