I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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