So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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