Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
