Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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