is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
