apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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