Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
