Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
