I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
