watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
