I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
