The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
