oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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