She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
