haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
