Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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