note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
