We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
