I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
