One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
