Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
