so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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