Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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