That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
