there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
