Whod you bang
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Randomize
