Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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