Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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