I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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