we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
