Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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