Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I need to calm my uterus...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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