Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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