Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just had sex on a roof
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
