Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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