So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
