I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
