Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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