life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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